Kakak Speaks #4

Two nights ago I did something so bad, I have to jot it down to remind myself.

Lost in fatigue and alone handling the two little princess, I wasn't thinking straight. I was reaching for the crying baby when Kakak stepped on my thigh. In pain and anger, I accidently pushed her a bit too hard and she fell onto the bed flat faced. Of course she immediately cried, a bit louder and longer than usual, which makes me feel so so bad. I felt horrible when she cried, "Kenapa Ummi tolak kakaaakk..." Like punched in the gut.

She always cried so bad when she sense her parents intentionally cause her hurt.

In agony, I tried to soothe her. I repeatedly say, "Maaf Kakak.. Ummi tak sengaja," Felt so bad coz I knew it was an action in anger. Then almost tearing up with guilt I said, "Kakak, Maafkan Ummi kakak, maaf kan Ummi,"

She looked at me, in tears, and said so honestly.. "Kakak minta maaf  Ummi.."

I groan inwardly. She always minta maaf to me when I say sorry to her coz when I say "minta maaf kakak" she thought I said "kakak, minta maaf kat Ummi".

Heart wrenching I tell you!

That's children. Seperti kata Kak Najibah,

Itulah anak-anak, ada banyak kesilapan yang kita lakukan. 

Tapi semudah itu mereka melupakan.


Whenever I muhasabah and I look at them, I'll remember, mereka benar ahli syurga (masih kecil tiada dosa). Yang banyak dosanya ialah kita. Tak layak kita nak marah ahli syurga yang hatinya bersih ni dengan keadaan hati kita yang banyak sungguh kotornya. Apa lagi bila kita marah, kita yang memalitkan kekotoran pada hati mereka, kerana tiada marah yang akan memberi kesan baik pada anak-anak kecil.

I better  remember that pitiful face everytime I feel like screaming at her!