Bittersweet

I'm free.

No amount of writing can describe the 'weight' of those two words. The joy felt each time I close my eyes and simply roll the words over and over in my thoughts. The almost-disbelief. The pure bliss. The syukur mostly, praise be only to Allah, the most Loving and Compassionate. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah, I am nothing but your servant at Your mercy. Thank you for bestowing me this nikmat. Let this feeling remain with me, reminding me of the great gift You have given me and how I owe everything to You.

Sure, I still need to submit my final correction. Even though time is still not entirely mine to own, the suspense is almost over. It can no longer control me, and especially, stop me from giving my self to the two person who deserve it most. If I spend a few hours a day on it consistently, insyaAllah.. I am that close to reaching the end of the journey. The light at the end of the tunnel is right there infront of me, within reach.

I finally got myself back.

On the way back on probably the happiest day I would have in IIUM Gombak, I could not stop myself from remembering some anecdotes. Bittersweet. Perhaps bittersweet cannot really describe it, as its not really that bitter then. Tiring, yes, but rather I think I enjoyed most of it. Its just something I do not think I can  and want to go through again. The sleep at the beautiful IIUM masjid and taking bath at 5.30 in the morning alone at the masjid's toilet (I feel so blessed by that experience), the going up the long stairs of the mahallah and eating delicious bihun sup and enjoying single student life again, ALL the lab sessions while heavy with dear kakak, together with the tiring drive early morning and late evening at 8 months, the collecting of smelly eggshell, drying it on the ground, the ballmill wait, the carefully-planned timetable, the mould die lab, and my table in the hot lab with our pink fan, a cup of orange nescafe and  unforgettable plastic container of white HA powder. 

And ohh, the delicious shopping part infront of the bank - the usual treat after exams, and the most delicious nasi arab at Mamamia with its chilli sauce (as a hungry student). The walk around the square round and round and round, to and fro desperately in search for Celpad, PG office, library and chancellory. I amazingly never miss to correctly guess wrongly each time, cursing the absence of signboard. Those are all memories as precious as the scroll. The scroll being precious not for its title, but merely the pay increase.

What happened on the viva day however, was not as happy experience. But a great lesson I did learn, finally. I only have myself to blame, part of it. However in all, its a beautiful qadha' and qadr. Standing before the examiners at the start of the session, scared as I was, I repeatedly thought, I am fully at the mercy of Allah s.w.t. I do not depend on these people to pass, I depend on Allah solely. Whatever is going to happen, it is because Allah allows and wants It.. 
Alhamdulillah Allah made it possible!
For me to smile the real smile and feel the sand beneath my feet and smell the salty air!